No More Mr. Nice Guy
Robert A. Glover
“Brilliant and funny… No More Mr. Nice Guy shows invention on every page, every paragraph”
99% of guys out there are simply too nice. And you could be one of them. And even if you are, it’s not your fault because somebody else or society, in general, has programmed you to be that way. But that’s about to change right now because what’s you’re about to learn are a few simple ways to stop being so nice, which could transform you into more attractive, stronger, and better all around, man.
Have Higher Standards
Realistically, if you are too nice to people, at some point somebody will take advantage of you. And guys who are too nice are frequently taken advantage of by both men and women. So what do you do to stop this from happening? And the answer is to have higher standards for how people treat.
For example, imagine you’re with a group of buddies and one of them makes a joke about you and everyone starts laughing. This is something that guys do and it’s totally normal. Now, what if this same friend kept making jokes about you every single time that you’re with him? And the jokes went from lighthearted and fun to downright disrespectful. At this point, it is time to say something to him about it.
So to stop being too nice, you have to set high standards for yourself. If the girl that you like is always playing too hard to get, know what your limit is and then cut her off immediately after she crosses the line. Apply these standards for yourself to all areas of your life. And never tolerate any behavior towards you that crosses the line or that overly disrespects you.
Speak With Conviction
One of the fastest ways to tell if a guy is too nice is to pay close attention to how he says something. A guy who’s too nice tends to speak with little to no conviction or with no personality. So when you’re ordering food from somewhere and they ask you if you want it for here or to go tell them what you want with conviction.
Speaking with conviction is speaking in a way that shows that you know what you want. So when someone asks you something, speak in a way that demonstrates this.
“Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good ona man.”
― Robert A. Glover #nomoremrniceguy
Stop Agreeing So Much
If you’re the guy who is always agreeing with people, simply practice purposefully disagreeing with other people, even about little things. So if they say, man, that movie was awful, but you liked it instead of agreeing with them, challenge them. Ask them why they think the movie sucked or why do you think that particular type of food suck?
Stop Tracking Your Good Deeds
This is one of the biggest mistakes that you can make if you are too nice and it is one of the biggest sources of frustration for so many men.
Guys who are just too nice will do something nice for someone, especially girls, and then keep track of that deed along with hundreds of other nice things they did for people. It will secretly expect something in return for all of these nice things that they did. Something that attractive high classmates never does is keep track of such things because they simply give without expecting something in return.
This is the sinister nature of being too nice and it’s what causes so many problems. Because if you’re always keeping track of the nice things that you do for other people and expecting nice things to be done for you in return, then you’re going to get angry and you’re going to start to resent people who don’t repay you, what you think you are owed for these things.
So whenever you do something nice for someone, enjoy it for just a moment, but then forget about it and move on.
Don’t Hold Back
So many guys hold back when they really want to say something, and men who are too nice are so terrified of conflict and of people not liking them. Also they afraid that they always hold back and never show who they really are.
This is a huge problem because if you never express who you really are, then nobody will ever actually know who you are.
Now, if you only remember one thing, remember this: A man who doesn’t hold back and says or does some things that make other people not like him, is a hundred times more of a man than one who is so afraid to rock the boat that he never demonstrates or shows off even a little bit of who he really is.
If you want to say something, then say it and if you want to do something, then do it. Don’t be afraid of what others will think of you and let this fear hold you back from simply being you.
“I define personal power as a state of mind in which a person is confident he can handle whatever may come. This kind of power not only successfully deals with problems, challenges and adversity, it actually welcomes them, meets them head on, and is thankful for them. Personal power isn’t the absence of fear. Even the most powerful people have fear. Personal power is the result of feeling fear, but not giving in to the fear.”
Stopped Fearing Confrontation
Many guys allow girls, and other men, to walk all over them verbally; all because they are so scared of confrontation. Imagine a bully in school who was picking on some little guy because he’s skinny and weak. What if one day the kid finally stands up to him and he fights back, at least with his work. What do you think is going to happen? The bully in school always looks for the easiest targets, so even though the skinny guy might get punched or something, eventually the bully is going to move on.
Once you started embracing confrontation, even if it’s something as simple as not agreeing with other people’s opinions, you will see that it’s really not that scary at all.
Embracing confrontation every time that you do it will make you feel more like a man than you’ve ever felt, which will build your confidence in who you are in making reformed more attractive men overall.
“List one fear that has been controlling your life. Once you decide to confront the fear, begin repeating to yourself, “I can handle it. No matter what happens, I will handle it.” Keep repeating this mantra until you take action and stop feeling fear.”
Make Your Needs a Priority and Reclaim Your Personal Power
Realize that no one but yourself is responsible for meeting your needs. Stop blaming and start taking action. Be assertive about your needs and get rid of the hidden agenda.
Never be a wimp and never act like a victim. You should even be thankful for difficult situations, as those present a chance to grow as a person.
Express your feelings, face your fears, set boundaries and develop integrity. Don’t try to control the things out of your control. Be ready to walk away from circumstances and people. Don’t try to make a bad relationship work. End it and find somebody more suitable for you.
“In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual’s life energy.
Humans connect with humans. Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.”
The Importance of boundaries
The common theme throughout the book is the importance of boundaries. As a recovering Nice Guy, this might be the most important factor, especially in relationships with women.
Nice Guys often believe that not having boundaries, being overly tolerant and accepting everything his partner does is a beneficial strategy for a relationship. Nice Guys often learn the hard way this isn’t true.
You will need boundaries in order to strengthen the relationship! It is a need for you and for her. Boundaries equal respect and women desire a partner who sets boundaries.
“There are no perfect relationships. There are no perfect partners. Relationships by their very nature are chaotic, eventful, and challenging.”
― Robert A. Glover #nomoremrniceguy
The Integrated Male and His Women
Dr. Robert Glover gives many great tips about relationships, your own sexuality and how to deal with women.
You should focus on the relationship, not the partner. How does the relationship meet your needs?
Ask yourself if your relationship is healthy. Can you learn from the situations of struggle? Use your boundaries to stop undesirable behaviors of your partner. In fact, you should avoid what Nice Guys do all too often.
A Nice Guy often chooses a partner who needs a lot of fixing. He is attracted to problems and wants to fix his partners, as this will give him an opportunity to show the world what a good boyfriend or husband he is AND to get approval. If you have ever been in an unhealthy relationship, you know how well this works…
“Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval.”
When it comes to sex, you will also have to change your mindset. This is easier said than done, but use the following guidelines as an orientation as you work on yourself to become an integrated male:
- Get rid of shame and fear about being sexual
- Get your needs met: quantity and quality
- Get comfortable being pleasured and ask for it
- Never avoid conflict because you are scared to lose a sexual opportunity
- Get rid of porn
“Relationships are messy and there is no way to eliminate the bumps and potholes, but we don’t have to make them any more difficult than they already are.”
― Robert A. Glover #nomoremrniceguy
Glover’s premise is that nice guys have been conditioned by their childhoods and by society to believe that they will be successful only if they make everyone happy and never cause any problems for others. However, this desire for approval results in self-loathing. In other words, nice guys want approval, but don’t think they deserve it. This creates internal frustration since nice guys never try to obtain what they want in life.
In addition, the nice guy’s desire to obtain approval from everyone (especially women), causes him to actually behave in very un-nice ways. This includes dishonesty (about themselves) and passive-aggressive behavior (“being unavailable, forgetting, being late, not following through…”).
Dr. Glover’s prescription involves getting nice guys to recognize that their needs and desires are important and that to make others happy they must first learn to make themselves happy. One of the primary ways advised in the book to remedy this is for nice guys to learn to embrace and develop their masculine traits, instead of fearing and suppressing them.
- Understand that a nice guy ends up a loser. By being nice and friendly to everyone, you give people permission to walk all over you.
- Understand that nice guy have the same wants and desires as assertive people. They’re being nice as a form of manipulation because they cannot successfully persuade, intimidate and battle for power. Nice people are passive-aggressive.
- Nice people only appear to be nice to get something in return, instead of asking for what they want.
- Nice people don’t want others to know their mistakes and flaws. They’re afraid to fail, in case people criticize them. This causes them to stay failures in perpetuity.
- Nice guys appear loveable to women, however, they often get angry at their women because they don’t know how to successfully pass their tests and get what they want. This is why women don’t trust nice guys.
- Nice guys are jealous because they’re too passive to become successful.
- Don’t be afraid of conflict with men or women.
- Have boundaries with men and women.
- Accept and talk about your flaws. No one is perfect.
- When men don’t have a strong male role model growing up, they revert to being a nice guy. It can also happen to any guy due to female teachers, beta male teachers, feminism and the female sexual revolution.
- Ask yourself questions like “if I didn’t care what people thought about me, how would I live my life?”
- Be comfortable asking/demanding a BJ, without feeling like you immediately need to return the favor. If she won’t suck you off sometimes without demanding something in return instantly, find someone that will.
- Never feel ashamed about your sexual desires.